My days without you

Rainbows have always been my personal favourite. They are the most beautiful reminder that you survived a storm.
The last time I gasped at a rainbow was when a mockingbird fell on the ground, without any heartbeat left in its pretty neck. I scooped it, and looked at the poor metaphor, which died of a heart failure, and I kept wondering  about the cruel timing, and if it was me, who fell straight from the sky.

Thing about mockingbirds are that they always mock, even in death, and thus I looked straight up to find the most astonishing rainbow, and I noticed that there was no gravity left on the ground.
It had been just a few days since you fell out of love with me, and I was still collecting little artefacts of you from the walls to keep me from crying.
I left the mockingbird on the park bench, weightless, as it had become, and walked back home, I was alive, I wasn’t the one who died.
And my days without you began, this time-for real!
This is how I filled my time after the break up.

– I cried till my eyes became plums.
I felt no shame in clearing my eyes from all the 3 am thoughts that I used to sleep with. I felt no shame in staining my palms with tear drops instead of tracing the creases on the bed sheet you used to leave me with. I felt no shame in reminding my face of the ice cold splashes of water. I became a droplet on my own, and I felt no shame in crying, not anymore.

– I got a haircut.
As I stopped collecting your memories from the wallpaper and the bedpost, I realised how less your fingers  actually brushed against those things. A friend texted me the only advice I would never have taken, had it been for some other reason. I got a haircut, got rid of the locks that were touching the end of my spine, and I walked back home from the salon, a lot less morose.

– I kissed a hundred kisses.
I kissed someone on my rooftop, I kissed someone at the café in the neighbourhood, I kissed a blind date, I kissed that one guy from work, I kissed my best friend. I kissed for hours, I kissed my own fingers when I couldn’t sleep. In an attempt to wipe away your name from my lips, I kissed almost a hundred kisses, and it somehow works in a bittersweet way. I once drunk kissed a pub door and it made me laugh after a really long time.

– I wrote kind words, I wrote unkind words.
This is what you get after breaking a poet’s heart. You get mentioned in small scribbled stories, you appear in every verse, or a rant. You dance unknowingly on the pages of their diary, you make appearance on all the un posted letters. You somehow manage to slither in every angry poem, or love poem, or a poem about heartache.
And so I got drunk on the moonlight and alcoholic chocolates, and wrote all the stories. I bled on the paper, with blue ink, and you became my poetic device.

– I got drunk, for real.
Alcoholic chocolates didn’t really work, so out there I go to get drunk on all the cocktails that I could think of mixing. I chose curvy glasses, and begged the gods to grant me a good time. I poured sweet wine, even sweeter than your broken promises. I gulped down five shots of vodka and it didn’t burn my throat as much as it burnt when we fought in September. I mixed my gin with vermouth and champagne and diet soda, because it makes me forget our first dance.

– I worked my ass off.
To get something positive out of the negativity that you had been devouring, all you need is to read motivational articles, listen to your boss, or sometimes, get your grandmother to knock some sense into you. The days of hiding inside my cupboard were over, and there I was, working as if nothing else lights up my life more than work. I became a dragonfly, I started emitting light, as if I was luminescent. I was exhausted, but I loved every second of it.

– I got a tattoo, and it wasn’t about you.
I stopped curling inside the blanket for hours and binge watched the whole series of Supernatural that had been aired till date. I found beautiful quotes to follow my life upon, and got an anti-possession tattoo, which helped me heal from the demonic depression, well almost! I also bought a dragon heartstring core wand, to find the magic again, somehow.

– I started living, again.
Things happen unexpectedly, hurt stays for a long time. But every cloud has a silver lining. The mockingbird  fell on the ground when its life ended, but it flew its whole life, no storm could have stopped it.
The rainbows became my personal favourite, for they were the most beautiful reminder that I survived a storm.

It was raining, and all the wounds got washed away, slowly, sweetly, eventually636031622397041720171484649_get-over-a-breakup-775x390

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